Anon Commenters

But before I get into that- I forgot to give a big THANK YOU! to all you ladies for your support on my post the other day. Goodness, I had no idea when I got married or even when we started TTC that life woud ever lead us to this point. The ONE good thing from IF is that I've gotten to meet you ladies & I really do appreciate the bond we share. I've really never had this many female friends who I could be so open & honest with. (((HUGS)))

Ok, back to the original subject- I've posted anonomously to blogs before. Most of the time, it was before I had a blog or sometimes if I don't feel like signing in. I always leave my name at the bottom though. There has been ONE TIME that I posted anon (before i was a blogger) to someone that I thought was being harsh to a friend. My post was not published & I was pretty much crucified. I stand by what I said, but I learned not to do that. If I disagree with someone, I either keep it to myself, or try to find a way to word it nicely. But I always leave a name. Here's my reasoning on that. We're a group & kinda a close one at that. We've been with each other through quite a bit & know where we're coming from. I've looked at my own blog posts & when isolated from the rest of the story, any one of them could be taken wrong. (this is also why I don't comment on a blog without reading back a few posts) So, even if you've lurked & think you know the blogger, they have no clue who you are. I think there's just something about a no name, no face person coming in & telling you what to do that any normal person woud reject. (kinda how no one wants advice from a random stranger in person) What do you think? Do you take any certain "policy" when you're on a new blog?

Set an appointment...

For an "annual". Uuber-exciting right? Only, I'm going to see a diff dr in the practice & I'm happy about that. The last time that I saw the other dr was 3 days before I went into the hosp. I was doubled over in pain from AF & worried that I might've had a clot. I was taking the maximum dose of ibuprophen & may as well have been popping tic-tacs. He was pretty much dismissive of the pain. He kinda scoffed at the idea of giving me a note to take to work, while giving me the "it's a period, get over it" look. When I asked if there was anything else I could take, he looked at me like I was a druggie & reluctantly wrote a script for darvocet. (that i never filled because i was pissed about being treated that way). So, time to go back to my rule of "no uterus, no opinion". The dr I'm going to see is a woman & an expert on PCOS. Yaaaaay! I'm going to ask her about doing a lap. To any of you who've had one- Was it difficult to schedule? Meaning, did you have to request it, or was it their idea? If it was your idea, did your dr argue it? Will I have to plan for more than a day off work for it?

TTC Limbo

With everything that has been going on with Travis & me, TTC is being put on hold for now. We are going to work it out. We're going to refind happiness in being a couple. I've realized that somewhere along the lines, I got lost. How do I explain this? I'm a doer. If I want something, I rely on me & I find a way to get it done. I've been accused of being an over-acheiver for a good part of my life. I never saw it that way, I simply narrowed down what I wanted & did it. The obvious exception being that I had no control over other peoples' actions. IF really made me start doubting myself. Month after month of "no" & "didn't", turned my thinking to "won't" & "can't". As my depression got worse, the negative thinking really started to take over. Until I broke.

When I came out of the hospital, I was a little dazed for a couple months. Like coming out of a fog, or waking up. There were things I saw that needed to change. I got a new job & excelled at it. I started thinking of possibilities, of happy things for the future. I've even lost weight. There were numerous improvement potentials.

Then I evaluated my marriage. It needed to be done, but maybe not as bluntly as I did. I just couldn't believe that I'd let things get to where they were. There was no way that the person I remembered being would be happy like that. Which is why I was ready to end it. But, there was something that I loved about him. Certainly, he must love me because I can't imagine anyone wanting to hang around with me when I was that low. So, I realized that while I'm trying to refind me, I also need to be willing to refind (or redefine) US.

We are looking for a few activities that we can do together. Things that can bring us closer together. He has also gotten better about not lying to me. And we're making steps to fix the other things. (i'm even trying to respect his requests to not share everything with my parents) The ins cards FINALLY came, so one of us needs to call & ask about coverage on a few things.

Right now, that leaves TTC on a back burner. For at least a few months. We still aren't preventing, but also not trying. (i did decide that this was a really stupid time to "with hold", it just leaves us both vulnerable to doing something stupid. sorry, probably tmi there.) So, my biggest question on ttc limbo is- Can I still hang out with you? I've really grown to think of you all as my friends, my sisters. My posts may not be as frequent & may not be TTC related for a while, but I'm hoping that we have more of a bond than IF by now. One of the procedures I'll be checking on is getting a Lap done. (the pain has gotten worse, periods are getting longer & heavier, & there's been more mid-c spotting) I can't imagine going through that w/o y'all to get me through it. And I'd still like to be able to rejoice with you on your various forms of good news.

This is awesome!

There isn't really much going on with me lately. Sorry, I'm kinda in a funk. Martini had to go to the vet last week, that wasn't much fun. Poor little guy was in a urinary tract flare up. The vet thinks he has FLUTD- Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disorder. In plain English, that means he'll be prone to flare ups & UTIs. Fun, huh? Poor kitty, she gave him a shot of some anti-inflamatory & a round of cla.va.mox, he's a really good boy when it comes to meds. We'll have to change his food, it would be nice if he liked it. If any of you are considering a career change, vet would be a good option. They don't take payments anymore, so that'll be $145 upfront.

My sinus infection cleared up just in time for allergies to start up full blast. Isn't it odd how you never really think about breathing until it's difficult?

Anyway, I saw a post from a blog friend that led me to looking at other videos on U Tube. All her stuff was funny, but since I'm not a mom yet, I could actually relate to this one. I don't think my blog friends are guilty of this, but it annoyed the crap outta me on the TTC boards. I hope you enjoy!

A(choo), B, C(ough)'s of me!

First off, still sick. We went to the dr yest & it turns out it's sinus infections all around. Yaay, fun! Now T is on a Z-pack & I'm on am.oxi.cill.ian. I'm allergic to a drug that's in the same fam as the Z, so she didn't put me on it. Judging from T's reaction to it, I'm glad she didn't. It's kinda strange to see a little pill kick the butt of a big guy like T. I got a "back to school" note from her (really, that's what it says, heehee!), so I'll be working tonight. Is it odd to clip a roll of tp to my belt?

I mentioned a little about not doing well IF wise. It's not just all the babies being born lately, it's also (partially) who's having them. Not people who really deserve them, why is being married such a fertility killer? I've threatened to divorce T, but still live together. Or meet him at a bar & pretend it's a one night stand. Anyway, then there are stories like Kelly's that just rip me up. And I just read one yest about a law that they're trying to pass in Utah because some 17yr old paid a guy to beat her up in an attempt to loose her 3'rd tri baby. It's all just so wrong & so unfair. It can be so hard to come to terms with no matter what your religious beliefs are.

Anyhoo, I'm going to steal Jenn's ABC's. It looked cool & I don't want this post to be a total downer.
A. Age: 30 & holding
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you dislike: Washing floors
D. Dogs: None.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee
F. Favorite color: Blue
G. Gold or silver: Silver
H. Height: 5'8.5
I. Instruments you play(ed): Piano
J. Job title: Crew Member
K. Kids: None. 4cats, if they count.
L. Live: South Carolina
M. Mom’s name: Carla
N. Nicknames: Mostly just Steph
O. Overnight hospital stays: 1, appendix
P. Pet peeves: bad parenting, smokers, & obvious grammatical errors
Q. Quote from a movie: "So we have apples & oranges, but is all fruit."
R. Righty or lefty: Righty.
S. Siblings: 2- Older sister, younger sister
T. Time you wake up: Uhhh, pass.
U. Underwear: Cotton
V. Vegetables you don’t like: Lima Beans
W.What makes you run late: The lack of a time-altering device.
X. X-rays you’ve had: Teeth, spine, nothing unusual
Y. Yummy food you make: Thia peanut chicken
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Lions, tigers, polar bears, dolphins, ok, I like the whole zoo.

So, that's me a-z, I'd love to see yours! =)