I tried to just update this on to my last post, but don't know how. Here's my fav version of this song. It's a little long, but SO pretty! (btw- i LOVED that movie!)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Time's March
It's so hard to believe that we're at the end of a year. The end of a decade actually. The thought of time has been with me for the past few days.
It's been 10 yrs already that DH & I have been together. We said hello to the new century together 10 yrs ago (i will leave out the debate that there was no yr "0", so technically the millenium thing was a year early). It doesn't feel like it's been that long.
Overall, 2009 has not been that great. Yet I'm feeling more hopeful for some things than I was a year ago. I've been thinking about the whole concept of "resolutions" & I'm not a huge fan of them. I do though have a mental list of a few things I'd like in 2010. The funniest thing is that most of them are not really in my control. I can contribute to a few of them though, so will do my best.
The one that prob goes w/o saying is that I'd like a healthy pg that results in a live birth. Seems simple enough, right? I'm happy to have ins going into this yr & hope that I can finally get answers & solutions. (BTW- i left a mssg for my dr's office 2wks ago, they haven't called back. they may have just lost a patient!)
I'd like to be more organized. I'm working on this. I have gone through boxes of papers & junk & gotten rid of a LOT of unnecessary baggage. I think another good day of two will do it. Then, I'd like to STAY organized! I've always wanted one of those houses where everything is in order & I would know where to find it.
I need to loose more weight. I've shared just about every aspect of my life with you ladies for a couple years now, so here's some honesty. I used to be a trim size 10. My lowest weight ever was 145, a healthier weight for me is from 150-160. My heaviest ever was 293 & a size 24! In the last 2yrs, I've lost a little over 45lbs & gotten down to a size 20. Other than really not liking the way I look, I know that the extra weight is not healthy. I may not ever be a 10 again, but I'd accept a size 12 & want to be no more than 175. I really don't eat unhealthy, but I don't exercise as much as I should. So I'm going to try to spend 20-30 minutes/day doing something active. I also think Met would help.
I want to keep getting our finances in order so we can buy a house. Really sick of apt living! Plus I know that if it comes to adoption, we would need to have stable finances.
I want my sister back. I really have no control over this one. I'll give a brief explaination & you can ask any questions you want. To be one of Jehovah's Witnesses, there are requirements for how to live your life. She chose not to. In fact, she made a couple of really stupid choices & was not at all cooperative when the elders tried to correct her. So after trying to work with her, the decision was made back in July to disfellowship her. This means she's no longer serving as one of Jehovah's Witnesses & she is cut off from association. Due to a few other things she's been going through, the family has not cut her off completely & of course I still see her at work. But the contact is not what it was. It's for necessary business, not the close together, hanging out as sisters, everyone together for dinner that it used to be. I really miss that & I really miss her. (we've been best friends our whole lives.) Disfellowshipping is discipline, so it doesn't have to be permanent, but they have to WANT to come back. (once they do, they are accepted back with open arms. think of it like a child being given a time out) She's finally accepted being on medication, so I think she's starting to think more clearly. She's also realizing what she's lost & has begun to take steps to correct it. I just hope she continues to make progress & comes back.
Well, I have to work this afternoon/evening, so I'd best get going. If any of you are going out tonight, drive safely! See you all next year! :)
It's been 10 yrs already that DH & I have been together. We said hello to the new century together 10 yrs ago (i will leave out the debate that there was no yr "0", so technically the millenium thing was a year early). It doesn't feel like it's been that long.
Overall, 2009 has not been that great. Yet I'm feeling more hopeful for some things than I was a year ago. I've been thinking about the whole concept of "resolutions" & I'm not a huge fan of them. I do though have a mental list of a few things I'd like in 2010. The funniest thing is that most of them are not really in my control. I can contribute to a few of them though, so will do my best.
The one that prob goes w/o saying is that I'd like a healthy pg that results in a live birth. Seems simple enough, right? I'm happy to have ins going into this yr & hope that I can finally get answers & solutions. (BTW- i left a mssg for my dr's office 2wks ago, they haven't called back. they may have just lost a patient!)
I'd like to be more organized. I'm working on this. I have gone through boxes of papers & junk & gotten rid of a LOT of unnecessary baggage. I think another good day of two will do it. Then, I'd like to STAY organized! I've always wanted one of those houses where everything is in order & I would know where to find it.
I need to loose more weight. I've shared just about every aspect of my life with you ladies for a couple years now, so here's some honesty. I used to be a trim size 10. My lowest weight ever was 145, a healthier weight for me is from 150-160. My heaviest ever was 293 & a size 24! In the last 2yrs, I've lost a little over 45lbs & gotten down to a size 20. Other than really not liking the way I look, I know that the extra weight is not healthy. I may not ever be a 10 again, but I'd accept a size 12 & want to be no more than 175. I really don't eat unhealthy, but I don't exercise as much as I should. So I'm going to try to spend 20-30 minutes/day doing something active. I also think Met would help.
I want to keep getting our finances in order so we can buy a house. Really sick of apt living! Plus I know that if it comes to adoption, we would need to have stable finances.
I want my sister back. I really have no control over this one. I'll give a brief explaination & you can ask any questions you want. To be one of Jehovah's Witnesses, there are requirements for how to live your life. She chose not to. In fact, she made a couple of really stupid choices & was not at all cooperative when the elders tried to correct her. So after trying to work with her, the decision was made back in July to disfellowship her. This means she's no longer serving as one of Jehovah's Witnesses & she is cut off from association. Due to a few other things she's been going through, the family has not cut her off completely & of course I still see her at work. But the contact is not what it was. It's for necessary business, not the close together, hanging out as sisters, everyone together for dinner that it used to be. I really miss that & I really miss her. (we've been best friends our whole lives.) Disfellowshipping is discipline, so it doesn't have to be permanent, but they have to WANT to come back. (once they do, they are accepted back with open arms. think of it like a child being given a time out) She's finally accepted being on medication, so I think she's starting to think more clearly. She's also realizing what she's lost & has begun to take steps to correct it. I just hope she continues to make progress & comes back.
Well, I have to work this afternoon/evening, so I'd best get going. If any of you are going out tonight, drive safely! See you all next year! :)
Monday, December 28, 2009
And that's a Monday for you
Wow! We got SLAMMED today at work! We had 30% more calls than expected. That's back to back ringing in, with people on hold. By the time I left, our service level was only 80% & that was back up from...I'm not sure how low is got. "Good" is about 91%. At least most people were nice, but I almost lost my voice several times.
I actually feel like crying right now. I'm not really in a bad mood, just exhausted (and a bit hungry). I think I may be O'ing, I'm not sure when I got so derailed, but I haven't temped in a while. And the ongoing stuff with my little sis is getting to me today. (it's been 5 months & i'm almost ready to talk about it) I wish she'd get her head on straight.
And DH & I are in a mild tiff. (POSS TRIGS!!!) His sister called today with an "update"- it's a boy. It's really just SO unfair! Not just for my sake, but for so many of the women I've met here. Why not one of the great ladies who've been trying so long? Why not one who's been through multiple years of IF or one treatment after another? Why an "oops" to someone who is not prepared to parent??? The tiff part of this is that it just doesn't upset DH the way that it does me & he is just focussing on the fact that he'll be an uncle again & glad that the baby is healthy. I didn't say that I was wishing her or the baby anything bad, I said it wasn't fair! And it's not!!!
He'd better be ready later to BD is all I have to say, or I may have to hurt him.
On the good news front- His boss fired one of the shop guys & moved DH to days in the shop. So he'll be getting hourly (it's a pittance, but steady) + water damage commission. I'm trying to get used to having him here at night. He snores....loudly. It'll be nice in the long run though. I like it when we're on the same schedule.
Oh & he finally cleaned OUR carpets this w/e! I don't think they've really been cleaned in a long time. Yes, the community pays a guy to do it, but I've seen what he does & it's not really cleaning.
Anyway, DH will be back soon with dinner. I'll talk to you all soon! I've been trying to keep up on everyone's blog & will be commenting soon! :)
I actually feel like crying right now. I'm not really in a bad mood, just exhausted (and a bit hungry). I think I may be O'ing, I'm not sure when I got so derailed, but I haven't temped in a while. And the ongoing stuff with my little sis is getting to me today. (it's been 5 months & i'm almost ready to talk about it) I wish she'd get her head on straight.
And DH & I are in a mild tiff. (POSS TRIGS!!!) His sister called today with an "update"- it's a boy. It's really just SO unfair! Not just for my sake, but for so many of the women I've met here. Why not one of the great ladies who've been trying so long? Why not one who's been through multiple years of IF or one treatment after another? Why an "oops" to someone who is not prepared to parent??? The tiff part of this is that it just doesn't upset DH the way that it does me & he is just focussing on the fact that he'll be an uncle again & glad that the baby is healthy. I didn't say that I was wishing her or the baby anything bad, I said it wasn't fair! And it's not!!!
He'd better be ready later to BD is all I have to say, or I may have to hurt him.
On the good news front- His boss fired one of the shop guys & moved DH to days in the shop. So he'll be getting hourly (it's a pittance, but steady) + water damage commission. I'm trying to get used to having him here at night. He snores....loudly. It'll be nice in the long run though. I like it when we're on the same schedule.
Oh & he finally cleaned OUR carpets this w/e! I don't think they've really been cleaned in a long time. Yes, the community pays a guy to do it, but I've seen what he does & it's not really cleaning.
Anyway, DH will be back soon with dinner. I'll talk to you all soon! I've been trying to keep up on everyone's blog & will be commenting soon! :)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Clarification...
Ok, this is why I should not post 1/2 asleep! I think I may have confused everyone.
The Dr I saw in MT was a good guy. Really very nice & an excellent OB/Gyn. But, when I think back to some of the stuff he told me, I get a little pissed. I've had blood sugar problems my whole life. I had horribly painful periods from the very first one I ever got. The PCOS diagnosis makes so much sense just from everything I've found online & it bugs me that he didn't check into it. His exact words were that it's difficult to diagnose, that the symptoms were subjective to each dr's interpretation, & that there is no definitive test for it. He was willing to prescribe Clomid any time I wanted it though. (knowing what i know now about clomid, i would never just take it w/o being monitored through the cycle)
The dr I've been seeing here is, again, a great OB/Gyn. He's a very caring & to the point person. He's the one who ordered the u/s last yr. (the cysts were big enough that they showed up on a chiropractic x-ray) He said that it most likely IS PCOS, but he wants the b/w before he'll prescribe anything. (i think we also want to rule out thyroid) He puposely did not put PCOS in my chart because I wasn't sure at the time if I was going to self-insure & he did not want to mess up anything with a pre-x. He has already told be that he'll order the tests to help me get a diag, but that he won't waste my time trying to treat it if it's beyond his expertise. He'll hand me a referral to a RE. I appreciate his honesty & candor. There are 2 other drs in the same practice though with more PCOS experience & I may switch.
I think they did do SOME b/w on the girl who I work with (she went to the same practice, diff dr). I was just amazed at how quickly she got a diag & treatment plan. If that's my issue, I could be on the very real side of being a mom by this time next yr. It was just so odd to think of it that way.
What's all this about making an appt before I get the ins cards? Can you do that? How do I know for sure who's in my network????
Kate- I e-mailed you. :) It seems I meet more people from MT now that I don't live there anymore!
Misty- Yes Ping is friendly! he's a little shy of strangers, but warms up pretty quickly. When are you going to come meet them? :)
Kitty- Oh goodness! We tried all different litters & even had a self-scooping box for a while. (he liked that, but it was the kind that takes crystals & the refills are expensive!) His fav litter is one that's make out wheat- SwheatScoop. It would almost even smell good if he ever buried! And we don't even TALK about moving the dang box, he'll poop there whether there's a box to catch it or not. (we just don't mess with his routine) Cats, we love 'em, even when we're not sure why!
Night y'all! Talk to you tomorrow! (i have thurs off!!!!)
The Dr I saw in MT was a good guy. Really very nice & an excellent OB/Gyn. But, when I think back to some of the stuff he told me, I get a little pissed. I've had blood sugar problems my whole life. I had horribly painful periods from the very first one I ever got. The PCOS diagnosis makes so much sense just from everything I've found online & it bugs me that he didn't check into it. His exact words were that it's difficult to diagnose, that the symptoms were subjective to each dr's interpretation, & that there is no definitive test for it. He was willing to prescribe Clomid any time I wanted it though. (knowing what i know now about clomid, i would never just take it w/o being monitored through the cycle)
The dr I've been seeing here is, again, a great OB/Gyn. He's a very caring & to the point person. He's the one who ordered the u/s last yr. (the cysts were big enough that they showed up on a chiropractic x-ray) He said that it most likely IS PCOS, but he wants the b/w before he'll prescribe anything. (i think we also want to rule out thyroid) He puposely did not put PCOS in my chart because I wasn't sure at the time if I was going to self-insure & he did not want to mess up anything with a pre-x. He has already told be that he'll order the tests to help me get a diag, but that he won't waste my time trying to treat it if it's beyond his expertise. He'll hand me a referral to a RE. I appreciate his honesty & candor. There are 2 other drs in the same practice though with more PCOS experience & I may switch.
I think they did do SOME b/w on the girl who I work with (she went to the same practice, diff dr). I was just amazed at how quickly she got a diag & treatment plan. If that's my issue, I could be on the very real side of being a mom by this time next yr. It was just so odd to think of it that way.
What's all this about making an appt before I get the ins cards? Can you do that? How do I know for sure who's in my network????
Kate- I e-mailed you. :) It seems I meet more people from MT now that I don't live there anymore!
Misty- Yes Ping is friendly! he's a little shy of strangers, but warms up pretty quickly. When are you going to come meet them? :)
Kitty- Oh goodness! We tried all different litters & even had a self-scooping box for a while. (he liked that, but it was the kind that takes crystals & the refills are expensive!) His fav litter is one that's make out wheat- SwheatScoop. It would almost even smell good if he ever buried! And we don't even TALK about moving the dang box, he'll poop there whether there's a box to catch it or not. (we just don't mess with his routine) Cats, we love 'em, even when we're not sure why!
Night y'all! Talk to you tomorrow! (i have thurs off!!!!)
Monday, December 14, 2009
18 days & counting down...
I signed up for ins last week, it kicks in on the 1st. C'mon 2010! Of course, not being ins did not stop me from getting sick last week. That was not fun. I had to leave work on Thurs, went to the Dr on Friday. He gave me an antibiotic & a really awesome cough syrup. So I did the logical thing & put myself into a 'mini coma' for a couple days. (i'm being sarcastic, i did not od or abuse any meds!)
Oh & AF showed up last night. So I'm crampy & had to go back to work today. That's not much fun. And I'm bleeding pretty heavily, AF sucks.
I'm feeling hopeful about getting a chance to get pg in 2010. There's a girl who I work with who finally went to her dr last Friday for what turned out to be PCOS & they were able to give her a diagnosis & will be starting her on meds soon. (she's not ttc to my knowledge). It made me start thinking about how relatively easy that was. Maybe I'm seeing the wrong dr. They didn't insist on a full blood panel for her. Do I really need one? Was my dr just being overly cautious? Should this not be this difficult? I asked my dr in MT about the possibility of PCOS & he "didn't want to jump to any rash diagnosis that would label me". Uhhh, ok, but he also told me that there weren't any tests for it. I think I have every stupid symptom for it! Sorry for the rant, I just want this fixed.
Anyway, good news, the biopsy results finally came back for my older sis, it's definitely not cancer. Mega relief! They have a follow up visit 1/5 to discuss what should be done about it.
Ok, I'm going to bed, I still have to do Ping's box. We've come to an agreement- I do his ox every night, without fail, & he won't poop on the carpet. He reserves the right to pee in the tub though. I really don't care about that, it doesn't stain anything. He's gorgeous, but high maintainance!
What did she call me???
Friday, December 4, 2009
Probably not cancer
The follow up with the ENT went well. He diagnosed it as some sort of tumor & did a biopsy to verify malignancy. BUT based on the CBC & CAT scan, they are thinking it's benign. Mega relief! Thank you again for all the thoughts, I'll KYP about the biopsy results. ;) (thanks for the definition!)
Sorry this is short, but I worked a long day & I am HUNGRY! DH did NOT make dinner like he said he was going to, so I'm headed off to the kitchen.
I may end the evening with killing our neighbors if the THUMPING bass doesn't stop. It's nearly 10pm, aren't there laws about subwoofers in apt buildings? I should not be feeling their (bad) choice in music!
Oh & :'^( It's the very last episode of Monk tonight. Sniffle, sniffle...
Sorry this is short, but I worked a long day & I am HUNGRY! DH did NOT make dinner like he said he was going to, so I'm headed off to the kitchen.
I may end the evening with killing our neighbors if the THUMPING bass doesn't stop. It's nearly 10pm, aren't there laws about subwoofers in apt buildings? I should not be feeling their (bad) choice in music!
Oh & :'^( It's the very last episode of Monk tonight. Sniffle, sniffle...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Nothing yet...
The ENT finally called back & the follow up visit is tomorrow at 4pm. Why can't they just cut out the middle man & let the radiologist tell you what they see? That seems kinda dumb to me. We still haven't told older sis what they're testing for. No sense what-so-ever in freaking her out until there are answers.
Thanks for all the thoughts, I appreciate it. Quick question Coco- try as I might, I can't think of what KUP means???
I'm working a long day tomorrow (10:30 am- 9:15pm), so I'd best get to bed. I'll post what we know when we know it!
Are there any of my readers who don't already read Jayme? If so, go give her a huge congrats. She deserves it & the extra sticky vibes can't hurt! :)
Thanks for all the thoughts, I appreciate it. Quick question Coco- try as I might, I can't think of what KUP means???
I'm working a long day tomorrow (10:30 am- 9:15pm), so I'd best get to bed. I'll post what we know when we know it!
Are there any of my readers who don't already read Jayme? If so, go give her a huge congrats. She deserves it & the extra sticky vibes can't hurt! :)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Testing being done on older sis.
I wish I had happier things to post about, sorry. My older sis told mom about an "extra bone" on her jaw last Sat. Mom checked it out & was worried about it being a tumor, so she brought sis into the dr today. Well, the dr doesn't like the feel of it & sent sis in for a CAT scan & a follow up with an ENT.
They are thinking possible cancer.
I know that there's no point into getting all worked up before we know anything, but I can't help but think of family history & be concerned. First, sis had Luekemia when she was 2. She's the sis who's mentally handicapped due to the treatments they gave her. Having had cancer before puts her at a higher risk for getting it again. Second, we're really concerned about the quick appearance of this growth. Sis really does not have a grasp on time or numbers in general, so it's hard to say exactly when she first noticed it. But, she's also a bit of a hypochondriac & not the type to notice something like that & not say something about it. Especially with where it is. Mom's youngest brother died of synovial sarcoma when he was 21. The first time he got it (age 15), it was a tumor in his leg that started as a golf ball sized lump (in his thigh) & 5 days later was fully wraped around his bone down to his knee. They removed his leg & part of his pelvic bone. It came back in his lungs shortly before he turned 21 & it was 8wks to the day from diagnosis to death. (in addition, both of our grandfathers died of cancer & i think a couple of great grandparents did too)
So now you understand why I'm trying not to get all worked up over this. Sis & I may not be "best of friends", but I love her & do not want to see her in pain. Nor do I want to see my parents relive the hell of having a child with cancer. We'll hopefully know more tomorrow & I'll let you know. For now I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.
They are thinking possible cancer.
I know that there's no point into getting all worked up before we know anything, but I can't help but think of family history & be concerned. First, sis had Luekemia when she was 2. She's the sis who's mentally handicapped due to the treatments they gave her. Having had cancer before puts her at a higher risk for getting it again. Second, we're really concerned about the quick appearance of this growth. Sis really does not have a grasp on time or numbers in general, so it's hard to say exactly when she first noticed it. But, she's also a bit of a hypochondriac & not the type to notice something like that & not say something about it. Especially with where it is. Mom's youngest brother died of synovial sarcoma when he was 21. The first time he got it (age 15), it was a tumor in his leg that started as a golf ball sized lump (in his thigh) & 5 days later was fully wraped around his bone down to his knee. They removed his leg & part of his pelvic bone. It came back in his lungs shortly before he turned 21 & it was 8wks to the day from diagnosis to death. (in addition, both of our grandfathers died of cancer & i think a couple of great grandparents did too)
So now you understand why I'm trying not to get all worked up over this. Sis & I may not be "best of friends", but I love her & do not want to see her in pain. Nor do I want to see my parents relive the hell of having a child with cancer. We'll hopefully know more tomorrow & I'll let you know. For now I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Forced socializing is stupid
DH has been working night & day for the past couple of weeks, so tonight he had a few hrs between jobs & wanted to go for dinner. We went to a Japanese grill (Kan Pai). The kind where they cook the food right at your table. I love those places. The last time thet we went to one (Miyabi's), the food was so salty that I retained water for 3 days! Not tonight, this is the good one in town & I'll definitely go back.
The one thing that you need to remember about these places though is to bring your own group. If you go just as a couple, you'll get seated with people you don't know. Or like. Or feel like making pointless small talk with. It's not usually a problem for me to talk to strangers, but as you know, I'm not having a great day. And it didn't help that there was a family with small children, then a couple who are expecting in Feb. I don't think the couple was married either. Neither of them was wearing a ring. I checked her hand first & figured it may have been missing due to pg swelling, but he didn't have one on either. I know many of you will think that doesn't matter, but it always just rubs a little salt in the wound for me to see an unmarried pg couple.
Oh & I swear that there were 5 birthday groups there. Every few minutes with the birthday singing. Including the mother in the family at our table. Can't I just eat my dinner in peace?
The lesson learned here is that when I go back, I need to find enough people to fill the table so I don't have to feign interest in the lives of total strangers.
The one thing that you need to remember about these places though is to bring your own group. If you go just as a couple, you'll get seated with people you don't know. Or like. Or feel like making pointless small talk with. It's not usually a problem for me to talk to strangers, but as you know, I'm not having a great day. And it didn't help that there was a family with small children, then a couple who are expecting in Feb. I don't think the couple was married either. Neither of them was wearing a ring. I checked her hand first & figured it may have been missing due to pg swelling, but he didn't have one on either. I know many of you will think that doesn't matter, but it always just rubs a little salt in the wound for me to see an unmarried pg couple.
Oh & I swear that there were 5 birthday groups there. Every few minutes with the birthday singing. Including the mother in the family at our table. Can't I just eat my dinner in peace?
The lesson learned here is that when I go back, I need to find enough people to fill the table so I don't have to feign interest in the lives of total strangers.
Officially 4 yrs
I'm not sure where the time has gone, but last week I turned 29. I'm accepting it with the grace that only age can provide. (that translates to smiling politely when people say anything about it & saving the foot-stomping "i don't wanna age" tantrum to when i'm home) With that also came the 4 yr mark of TTC. I remember how hopeful I was when we started. I knew that a year later I would be near a due date or caring for a new born.
I don't feel that anymore. I'm still interested in seeing a dr to find out if anything is fixable, but I'm not feeling the hopefulness anymore. I'd really like to, but I just can't take the hurt that goes with it. At what point does one get so used to disappointment that it seems normal?
I'll be glad for this year to be over. I hate the short days & the coldness of this season. I want to feel bright again instead of fighting to stay awake. (i swear i would hibernate if i could) I didn't end up making the cut for the mentoring program at work. Someone was supposed to tell me last week, but no one did. I went in bright & early yesterday only to find out that I wasn't supposed to be there. Then I still had to work the whole day taking calls. That sucked. I mentioned to my sis that 4yrs of IF teaches you how to take disappointment while still being hopeful that it'll happen in the future.
Sorry, I know this is just a slump, I'm trying to drag myself out of it. As lame as it seems, I may have to make a list of things that I'm looking forward to. But that's just the thing- I'm sick of looking forward to things, I want to have something happy NOW. Well, it's already afternoon & I'm still in my pjs, so maybe I'll feel better if I go shower. Talk to you all later.
I don't feel that anymore. I'm still interested in seeing a dr to find out if anything is fixable, but I'm not feeling the hopefulness anymore. I'd really like to, but I just can't take the hurt that goes with it. At what point does one get so used to disappointment that it seems normal?
I'll be glad for this year to be over. I hate the short days & the coldness of this season. I want to feel bright again instead of fighting to stay awake. (i swear i would hibernate if i could) I didn't end up making the cut for the mentoring program at work. Someone was supposed to tell me last week, but no one did. I went in bright & early yesterday only to find out that I wasn't supposed to be there. Then I still had to work the whole day taking calls. That sucked. I mentioned to my sis that 4yrs of IF teaches you how to take disappointment while still being hopeful that it'll happen in the future.
Sorry, I know this is just a slump, I'm trying to drag myself out of it. As lame as it seems, I may have to make a list of things that I'm looking forward to. But that's just the thing- I'm sick of looking forward to things, I want to have something happy NOW. Well, it's already afternoon & I'm still in my pjs, so maybe I'll feel better if I go shower. Talk to you all later.
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