Carry On, Carry On

Sorry, not sure what's up w/all the song title posts. I figured it was about time to give you all an update though.

I'm doing pretty well actually. I've actually had 2 different people this wk tell me that I have a "glow". Amazing what a smile can do. Or maybe it's the self tanner... I've also lost another 10ish lbs, so I'm *officially* down 50 since starting this job. (down 90 from my heaviest!) I'll post some new pics soon. I'm getting together w/a friend @ work soon. She's awesome, we clicked right away, but she's also an IFer, about 16 yrs older than me, similar personalities & likes, & offered to have me out to her house to do my makeup & a photo shoot. :)   I'm excited about it, the soonest day we could get off together is JULY though, so a couple more wks.

It's been...interesting. I'm just trying to reclaim who I am & what I want out of life. I was talking to someone I work with whose main goal in life is to buy a yacht. It got me thinking about what my goal is. I finally remembered- I want to matter. I want to be someone who makes a difference in the lives of those around me. I know I'll never cure cancer, or end ethnic wars in Africa, but I want to be someone who people feel good about knowing. I'm by nature a kind & caring person. Dad used to call me his "sunshine girl" when I was younger. And, w/o having a clue about that, my boss often calls me "Sunshine". I get referred to as "sweetie" & "honey" by a lot of people I don't even know (& often while wearing a name tag). I also want to be independant & able to take care of myself. IF there's ever another guy in my life, it'll be because he deserves to be there, not because I'm a nice person & feel the need to take care of him.

Which is where my conflict usually comes in. I was conditioned for so long that I didn't deserve any better, I almost started to believe it. I'm trying to change my thinking about that. I have a lot to offer. Any guy who wants to be that happy should be willing to go out of their way for me too. (my boss said that, great guy) Dad also keeps reminding me that there are guys out there who would deserve my trust. So, I'm training my mind to seperate the idea of "what Travis did" from "all men do...". I do hate sleeping alone, so nights are usually when I feel the most lonely. I'm trying SO hard to stay logical about it all though & remember that there are worse things than falling asleep to an Agatha Christie novel & good things come to those who are patient.

Anyway, for any who aren't on FB, I'm expecting a niece in a couple months. I can't wait to spoil her! Sis & I have already been working on crocheting toys for Aria, since sis is going to try to raise her w/o all the "corporate crap". (i smile, nod & will refrain from any 'i told you so's' in the future)

I'll try to get caught up w/all y'alls blogs soon. I have Wed & Thurs off this wk (2 days together!). I think about you all a lot, so about time I get back to letting you know!    (((GROUP HUG)))