Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Whining

I have heartburn & cramps so bad I can barely sit straight! Oh & this seemed weird to me- TMI WARNING- the blood is too red. Not dark light usual, but kinda light colored. What ever THAT'S all about. Frickin AF! Ok, done whining.

I called the nurse today to beg them to call in a refill on my antidepressants (almost out & no more refills). She agreed, after I set up an appt for a pap. It'll be the 16th. Kinda wasn't thinking. I'll be CD17 & my cervix will be higher, ow! For the first time in yrs, it'll just be a pap. I'm not even going to discuss IF, cysts, next step, nothing. Just tell me I don't have cancer or hpv. I ended up "stuck" w/the same dr as last yr. I wasn't so fond of him. I totally LOVE his nurse though! There's a dr in their practice who speacializes in PCOS, I'm considering breaking my policy on female drs.

This next part is a triggery pity party-

I was thinking about a comment that Misty made. How many of the "core" group are still not pg? I'm trying to remember who was there when the board first started. Here's who I came up with, we'll call them "ladies who are past overdue for the great news of a bfp." (this list is not meant to upset any of the newer members! a bfp from anyone on that board is a reason to rejoice)- Dot, Sherry, Misty, Jayme, Julie, Margriet, Priscilla, Christina (mrsbraks), me. Why are we still waiting? Why haven't we gotten to move off the 12 month board yet? I found this post http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.898f16b0!thdchild=.898f16b0 it's the first list that Misty did. Really big trigs to scroll through it & think of where eveyone is now. Again, I'm not saying that I'm not totally excited for those who got off, but I'm currently blessed w/AF & throwing us all a pity party.

Jayme also hit on something that I was thinking about the other day. If we don't find a way to beat IF, it's with us our whole lives. It bothers me now to be around my friends w/babies or toddlers. In 10 yrs, it'll be friends w/teenagers. Then friends w/graduates, then friends watching their children get married, then friends getting to be grandparents. It really doesn't end. That totally sucks. We deserve better than this.

(((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))) x 1 million to all of you strong beautiful ladies. It's late now & I'm going to bed!

Tuesday!

I'm not really that excited about Tuesday. I couldn't think of a title though. A few random things.-

- AF finally showed up today. Wasn't that nice of her? ~eyeroll~ Anyway, at least she's here now & I'm not wondering WTH. True to form, she brought my 2 period pounds w/her. >:^ {

- We (little sis & i) made Moraccan chicken pockets last night. They were sooo good! Filo dough is a total pain to work with though. It's so thin & rips if you look at it wrong. We had salad w/choice of quinoa (that's pronounced KEEN- WA), or bulgar. Quinoa is really good, very light & kinda 'pops' in your mouth. Lends itself to savory dishes, can be enjoyed with as little as butter, salt, & pepper. I like bulgar too, but it lends itself better to sweet dishes (would be a great replacement for oatmeal).

While we're talking about food. My advice to anyone- diversify! You never know what you might like unless you try it. This is one of the reasons I don't go to "American" restaurants. "Salad" is usally iceberg lettuce. Yuck! There are so many leafy greens out there that not only taste better, but are better for you! Same goes for sides & spices, there's a great big world if you get past potatos & Lawry's! For some real flavor, try Thai, Greek, Moroccan, Indian, there can be as many any 30 spices for a single dish. Yummy!

- On a downer note, my g-ma fell off the wagon. She was on it for 6 months & feeling better, doing more, & even easier to be around. Then she came off with a crash. SIGH. It's a mix between sad & just pathethic. I know Sherry will get this line- "She racka dishiprine!" I have an uncle who has put his life on hold, never gotten married, bought a house w/g-ma to take care of her. My mom spends time w/her, takes her to a lot of drs appts, frequently has lunch outings w/her, & tries to keep her spiritually encouraged. My aunt (mom's sis) takes care of taking her cloathes shopping, hair appts, lunch outings, spends time at her house. Then there's a brother who does nothing. Not one D thing for her. Can't even pick up a phone & give her a call. Makes decent money, but never helps out. What to know the stupid irony of it? HE'S the one she's sooo proud of! His stupid, promiscous kids are the pics all over her living rm. (seriously, his daughter has been married 2-3 times, has 3 kids all diff fathers & may not be the children of the men she was married to) It's so pathetic! I've long stopped even trying for her attention, approval, whatever. But it still hurts my mom so much & that makes me so mad! I decided yrs ago that she will not know my children. Children deserve unconditional love from parents & grands, not the kind of favoritism, night & day personality shit that she pulls. Alcoholics SUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry! Didn't realize how long that had gotten! I'm not deleting it though because it felt good to get some of it out. Thanks if you got through reading it!

- I hope all y'all have a great day! One day closer to the weekend!

Monday, March 30, 2009

100 Truths

Good morning! I saw this on Jenn's blog & thought it was really cool, so decided to do it. If you want to, copy & paste it with your own answers! :^)

1. Last beverage→ V8
2. Last phone call→ Mom, last night.
3. Last text message→ Mom, this morning. (last one I sent was to little sis)
4. Last song you listened to→ Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park
5. Last time you cried→ Yesterday

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? → No
7. Been cheated on? - Not that I know of. (i think ex-fiancee started a non-physical relationship w/someone while we were still together)
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? - No
9. Lost someone special?→ Yes, more than once.
10. Been depressed?- Yes, it's an ongoing battle.
11. Been drunk and threw up? → No.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Blue
13. Green
14. Purple
15. Black

HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends → Yes
17. Fallen out of love → No
18. Laughed until you cried → Yes
19. Met someone who changed you → Yes
20. Found out who your true friends were → Yes
21. Found out someone was talking about you →Yes. And not always in hushed & reverant tones! ;^)
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ No
23. How many kids do you want to have→ Haha! I'll start w/one, would like more though.
24. Do you have any pets → Yes, 4 cats
25. Do you want to change your name - No. When I was little, I used to change it to Str.awb.erry Sho.rtc.ake & not answer until I was called that.
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ Nothing
27. What time did you wake up today → 6:30
28. What were you doing at midnight last night --> sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for- To be out of the apt!
30. Last time you saw your father→ This morning.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life→ To not be infertile.
32. What are you listening to right now → The fan in the bathrm, the other guy on the phone. (i need to turn on some music!)
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Yes, worked w/a couple of them!
34. What's getting on your nerves right now?-- I'm on CD43, not pg, & AF STILL hasn't shown!
35. What's your name?-- Stephanie
36. Nicknames→ Steph, honey, sweetie. Older sister invented "SnerkumDerfum" just to annoy me when we were younger. For the same reason, DH occationally calls me "Chutney Butt" (from Apu on Simpsons)
37. Relationship Status → Married
38. Zodiac sign → I dunno. I don't do horoscopes.
39. Male or female or transgendered → Female
40. Elementary--West Salem Elementary
41. Middle School → I don't think I ever went to an actual "middle shool"
42. High school -- Home schooled- ICS (now Penn Foster)
43. Hair color → Light brown w/blonde highlights
44. Long or short → Long, with layers.
45. Do you have a crush on someone? → DH!
46. Piercings → 2 in each ear, but I never liked the placement of the second hole, so I leave them empty. The second hole in my left ear has completely closed.
47. Tattoos → No. And I won't.
48. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :
49. First surgery → I had my appendix out the summer after 1st grade.
50. First piercing → 6-7? Not sure
51. First best friends: Janine & Jimmy.
52. First sport you joined → Hahahahahaha! That's a good one!
53. First pet → Peanut (cat), but I was only 2. I was mean to him though, so my parents gave him away.
54. First vacation→ Ummm, IDK
55. First concert → I don't really do concerts. I don't think I went to one at all until we got married. Sawyer Brown, I guess. It was kinda lame.
56. First crush → Derrick Mandt (haven't seen him since i was 11, no clue what he's doing these days. BTW- not sure he knew i existed)

RIGHT NOW:
57. Eating → Nothing
58. Drinking → My coffee
59. I'm about to → Post this.
60. Listening to - Didn't we do this one?
61. Waiting for → Trip to MT!

YOUR FUTURE :
62. Want kids? More than anything!
63. Want to get married? → Been there, done that.
64. Careers in mind? → I would like to work in a med office. It might be fun to go on to being a surg tech or something. Maybe. I have a low gag reflex.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
65. Lips or eyes? → Eyes
66. Hugs or kisses? --> Hugs
67. Shorter or taller? → Taller
68. Older or Younger? → Older
69. Romantic or spontaneous-->I like both, but if I had to choose, I'd say spontaneous.
70. Nice stomach or nice arms? → Arms
71. Sensitive or loud? → Sensitive
72. Hook-up or relationship? → Relationship. I have NEVER been a "hookup" girl! (i have only ever had sex w/dh!)

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger?-- No. There's a pic of "baby me" kissing some guy & I don't know who he is, but he was a friend of my parents. Lol!
74. Lost glasses/contacts? - Yes, what a hassle!
75. Sex on first date? → Never!
76. Broken someone's heart? → Maybe? Not on purpose.
77. Had your own heart broken? → Yes, "shattered" would be more accurate.
78. Been arrested? → No! I'm a good girl!
79. Turned someone down? → For what? A date/relationship? Yes
80. Cried when someone died? → More than once.
81. Liked a friend that is a male?--- Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
82. Yourself? → I waiver on this.
83. Miracles? → Yes
84. Love at first sight → Not Really. "Love" comes from truly knowing someone.
85. Heaven → Yes
86. Santa Claus → No, never have!
87. Kiss on the first date? → Maybe.
88. Angels → Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
89. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
90. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → I'll assume this means romantically, so no. That's actually pretty cruel if you ask me!
91. Will you repost this? → I'll post it once, I think that pretty much covers it right?
92. Did you lie on any of these questions? →Now, what would the point in that be???

Hmm, Jenn mentioned that the numbering is off on this. I renumbered it & found that it's off by 8. Adding a new catagory

8 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:
93. I didn't like ice cream until I was in my teens.
94. I still don't like Rocky Road.
95. My second toe is longer than my big toe on both feet.
96. I can write backwards. (print or cursive)
97. I did not have an engagement ring.
98. I did not have a cavity until I was 22.
99. I have had 16 moles removed. Thankfully, none of them were cancer.
100. My favorite comedians right now are Dimitri Martin & Jeff Dunham.

There, now it's a real 100! :^D

Sunday, March 29, 2009

"I told you so"

This was, unfortunately, what I said to my DH this morning. I am not pg. Why the hell would I be? For me, being a week past my "usual" C length & having some syptoms doesn't mean squat. Dh wasn't home when I took the test. He had to work early this morning. I told him over the phone & held it together pretty well until he got home, then I lost it.

Misty, you were right, Sunday is a bad day to test. I ended up having him drop me off at mom & dad's on his way to the meeting. I came over in workout cloaths & did 45 mins on their treadmill. that's 1.75 miles, if anyone cares. I tried to9 deny it, but my hopes were up. "What if this actually was it?" So, now that she broke my heart again, AF is adding injury to insult & showing signs of showing up.

Anyway, I'm Ting AB. I can't do this right now, so I'm shifting focus on a few other things that are more in my control. DH is completely supportive of this & says that we'll hit it running in a few months, even if it takes paying for it all out of pocket. He is an amazing guy!

Ok, I'm sick of crying. I'm going to go try to suck it up before everyone gets back. TTYL!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Tagged for 3 things

A couple times now! LOL! Thanks ladies! :^)

First an update- I'm on CD40 now & really not feeling well. I'm very dizzy & would love to just puke. I fell asleep last night shortly after dinner, woke up a few hrs later, watched He.ll's K.itc.hen (yay! La.cey is finally gone!), then went to bed. I spent the night sweating but freezing & took a couple tylenol this morning to see if it might help. I'm planning on POAS on Sunday if AF doesn't show up.

Thanks for all the support on yesterday's post. I told DH last night that I'm going to test on Sunday, then told him that if we're not pg, I'm going to stop obsessing for a couple months. He's supportive of that. And, YES, I will keep blogging! I'm addicted now!

Ok, here's me by threes! - I tag anyone who hasn't done this yet & wants to! (how's that for not having to think about it?)

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Steph
2.Stephanie
3.Honey

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Hotel Associate/Mngr
2. Call center, tech support
3. Car hop (no roller skates!)

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED (only 3?)
1. WI
2. S.Dakota
3. MT

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. He.ll's Kit.chen
2. Ho.use
3. Mo.nk

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN (again, only 3?)
1. Seattle
2. Myrtle Beach
3. Las Vegas

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Italy (specifically Venice)
2. Ireland
3. Everywhere else!

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Thai (red curry any day!)
2. Greek (esp a good gyro or falafel)
3. Pizza!

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. The trip to MT
2. Getting the piano tuned
3. Getting my coding/billing certificate (i'm a nerd & always liked school!)

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. Cuddles, cat (8/96- 6/24/05 he owned me!)
2. Teddy TwoBites, hampster (gave the flipping thing away!)
3. A Beta fish that lived for 3 1/2 yrs, pretty cool fish.
( Still owned by "the gang"- Skittles, Ping, Martini, & Buster!)

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/ ARTISTS
1. One Republic
2. Sarah McLachland
3. Barenaked Ladies
(lots more, but that's just a sampling!)

THREE FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH
1. None
2. The one that's NOT on my TV
3. The other guy

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1.Water
2. Coffee
3. Root Beer
(and fruity alcoholic drinks!)

Hope y'all have a great day!