Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Checking in...
Again, sorry it's been so long. Saying I've been "down" lately would be an understatement. I've been out of sorts & just plain depressed. I'm trying to pull myself out of this, but it's taking a bit. Mostly I think it's because I can't put my finger on one specific thing. It just seems like everything is out of whack & that sucks.
To illustrate the insanity of which I speak- I went to the meeting last night. Was doing fine. A pg woman in our cong came in, sat in the row ahead of us, turned to a friend sitting in the same row as I was & (kinda loudly) whispered "girls!", then passed u/s pics back to her. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. She's expecting twins & she has every right to be happy. It's her first (that i know of) pg. We're not really close, so it's not like she knows anything about my IF issues. Travis was being a doll & tried to "take my side" by saying that it was rude of her to do that either way. But I really am not even upset at her about any of it. Just pissed that my body doesn't work.
Gramma made it fine out of surgery. (told ya) I went to visit her last Friday & she was almost pleasent. Or drugged up... either way. First words out of her mouth to me were "wow, you're really dropping the weight!" I prefer "hello", but the last time she saw little sis (ran into her at a store) it was "you've chunked up!", so I won't complain too much. We're not quite sure how this is possible, but each breast had a different type of cancer. Have you ever heard of that? One side was stage 2, so good thing they got it.
Speaking of lumps, I'm going to the dr on Fri to have one on my foot checked out. At first thought & look, you'd think it's a bunion or bone spur. Except that it came on rather suddenly (over a course of 3-4 months), it's getting bigger, & it's moveable. Still may be nothing, but fast growing tumors run in the family. If nothing else, it's been hurting the last wk or two & I'd like it gone.
Total randomness- I found a house that I want. It's selling for $20K less than the appraisal, is in a quiet neighborhood, & is really cute. Now we need to work on getting someone at the bank drunk enough to approve a loan. I may have mentioned before, but less than stellar credit is not fun! (i have to admit, i've already decided which room would be the "baby's room")
IF related- We've done 2 full Cs on met. So now it's time to decide if I'm doing HSG, or just hopping to Clomid. There are pros & cons to both. I was discussing it w/DH & he said the next step is to get him tested. So I guess that buys me another month.
Well, for meaning to go to bed early tonight, I've totally failed. I have Friday off & I'll try to get cought up with everyone. I have been reading you all, just failing at commenting. Night!
To illustrate the insanity of which I speak- I went to the meeting last night. Was doing fine. A pg woman in our cong came in, sat in the row ahead of us, turned to a friend sitting in the same row as I was & (kinda loudly) whispered "girls!", then passed u/s pics back to her. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. She's expecting twins & she has every right to be happy. It's her first (that i know of) pg. We're not really close, so it's not like she knows anything about my IF issues. Travis was being a doll & tried to "take my side" by saying that it was rude of her to do that either way. But I really am not even upset at her about any of it. Just pissed that my body doesn't work.
Gramma made it fine out of surgery. (told ya) I went to visit her last Friday & she was almost pleasent. Or drugged up... either way. First words out of her mouth to me were "wow, you're really dropping the weight!" I prefer "hello", but the last time she saw little sis (ran into her at a store) it was "you've chunked up!", so I won't complain too much. We're not quite sure how this is possible, but each breast had a different type of cancer. Have you ever heard of that? One side was stage 2, so good thing they got it.
Speaking of lumps, I'm going to the dr on Fri to have one on my foot checked out. At first thought & look, you'd think it's a bunion or bone spur. Except that it came on rather suddenly (over a course of 3-4 months), it's getting bigger, & it's moveable. Still may be nothing, but fast growing tumors run in the family. If nothing else, it's been hurting the last wk or two & I'd like it gone.
Total randomness- I found a house that I want. It's selling for $20K less than the appraisal, is in a quiet neighborhood, & is really cute. Now we need to work on getting someone at the bank drunk enough to approve a loan. I may have mentioned before, but less than stellar credit is not fun! (i have to admit, i've already decided which room would be the "baby's room")
IF related- We've done 2 full Cs on met. So now it's time to decide if I'm doing HSG, or just hopping to Clomid. There are pros & cons to both. I was discussing it w/DH & he said the next step is to get him tested. So I guess that buys me another month.
Well, for meaning to go to bed early tonight, I've totally failed. I have Friday off & I'll try to get cought up with everyone. I have been reading you all, just failing at commenting. Night!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Another cancer to the family tree...
My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer this week. It's both sides, but they won't know what type or stage until they do the surgery next Thurs (lumpectomy).
I think I should be more upset about this than I am. Honestly, my first reaction was two thoughts simultaneously- the first was "aww crap, mom doesn't need the extra hassle of this!" the second was "oh good, yet another cancer to add to the family health history & I'll have to get a mamo earlier."
Is that terrible? I'm not really worried for her, I know she'll live through this. Only the good die young. The mean, family abusive, insane alcoholics manage to live through it all to go on making us miserable. I can't tell you awful I feel to even think that, much less type it! Anyway, she's already been through a quad bipass, total colectomy, & has diabetes. So the surgery isn't without risk, but as long as she comes out of the anethesia, I think she'll be fine.
In other total randoms- I'm exhausted. It's been a busy, understaffed week & I've picked up OT every day so far. I have tomorrow off & was considering going in for a couple hours, but am not signing up for it until I know how I feel in the morning. I also seem to have picked up a totally annoying habit of waking up about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off.
Being tired prob made this more irritating, but the stupid lawn people were in the community with a leaf blower running until 8:40 pm. Seriously?!?! I'm bringing that up to management. Lawn companies are a dime a dozen around here & that seems redicolous for them to be here that late.
FF is screwing with my head. If I record the CM from what I remember, it wants to change my O date to either the 15th or 17th day of the C. When the temps clearly show that it was CD20. So, I took the CM out & it changed to a dotted line.
Anyway, I'm going to unwind for the night. Talk to ya later!
I think I should be more upset about this than I am. Honestly, my first reaction was two thoughts simultaneously- the first was "aww crap, mom doesn't need the extra hassle of this!" the second was "oh good, yet another cancer to add to the family health history & I'll have to get a mamo earlier."
Is that terrible? I'm not really worried for her, I know she'll live through this. Only the good die young. The mean, family abusive, insane alcoholics manage to live through it all to go on making us miserable. I can't tell you awful I feel to even think that, much less type it! Anyway, she's already been through a quad bipass, total colectomy, & has diabetes. So the surgery isn't without risk, but as long as she comes out of the anethesia, I think she'll be fine.
In other total randoms- I'm exhausted. It's been a busy, understaffed week & I've picked up OT every day so far. I have tomorrow off & was considering going in for a couple hours, but am not signing up for it until I know how I feel in the morning. I also seem to have picked up a totally annoying habit of waking up about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off.
Being tired prob made this more irritating, but the stupid lawn people were in the community with a leaf blower running until 8:40 pm. Seriously?!?! I'm bringing that up to management. Lawn companies are a dime a dozen around here & that seems redicolous for them to be here that late.
FF is screwing with my head. If I record the CM from what I remember, it wants to change my O date to either the 15th or 17th day of the C. When the temps clearly show that it was CD20. So, I took the CM out & it changed to a dotted line.
Anyway, I'm going to unwind for the night. Talk to ya later!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thoughts for a friend...
I think you all know Misty. I got a text from her earlier that they'd spent the whole night in the hospital with gramma. (this would technically be Chris' g-ma, but I know Misty couldn't love her more if they were blood related) Anyway, gramma has congestive heart failure. The most recent I've heard is that they are releasing her to hospice & putting her on morphine to keep her comfortable. Please go over & give Misty all the love, support, & hugs that we can give through the web. I think she could use it. Thanks!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Surfacing
Sorry to be gone so long. I haven't been well & was sick of being whiney. I'm finally starting to feel better though. The damn Met has really been almost more than I could take. The stomach issues have caused me to miss a few days of work (not good). It got to the point where I had a list of about 12 foods that I could safely eat. At the height of the ickiness, AF showed. On CD 42. I was ticked, I thought the Met was supposed to regulate my c, not make it longer. I know, I'm expecting too much of it & should give it time. Let's just say I was NOT dancing in white spandex. (have you seen this commercial? I almost fell off my chair laughing the first time it came on.)
Anyway, we adjusted my work schedule for a few weeks. It looks like I'll be working 4 days/wk & starting later in the day. I hope it helps give me a chance to "catch up" & feel better. I need to get back to working out too. I was thinking about challenging myself to 20 mins/day for a week straight. It's gotta be a good start right?
I would like to say that I've at least been doing something, but I really just haven't felt like anything lately. I've gotten pretty good at a couple of online games, but they're not at all productive. I did finish a couple of crochet ponchos that I was making for a couple little girls in the congregation. They love them. They're a little big, but better too big than too small. They're for the kids of my IRL IF support person. She survived IF & multiple m/c & these two are the result. Here's a pic - (the other little girl jumped in when she saw a photo op. the younger blonde is not smiling because she had fallen & banged up her knee shortly before)
I'm trying to get the house in order this week. We are supposed to go to MB for the w/e. I totally need a w/e away, there's no doubt on that. But I'm getting slightly worried that it won't happen if we don't get the tax refund soon. Taxes are such a scam anyway. And it shouldn't take this long to get an e-filed refund.
Ok, somehow I thought that blogging might help. I'm still totally gloomy though, so I think I'll take my bad mood somewhere else. Sorry to be a crab. I'll talk to y'all later.
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